


No Comparison

by WritingStag



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst With A Happy End, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Nicole being officer heart eyes, and caring for her smol firecracker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 13:06:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7893778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingStag/pseuds/WritingStag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Waverly can't help but compare Nicole and Champ, because Nicole is new and so adoring she can't help but compare and wonder what she ever saw in Champ.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Comparison

Nicole is so much bigger than you, Taller, broader shoulders, even bigger hands. Champ was bigger than you too, everything about him was big, especially his personality. The biggest difference was Nicole’s size made you feel safe, warm, protected. whereas Champ was cloying and it smothered you.  His big hands on your thighs making you feel small, like you were a toy he liked playing with.

The contrast between them is so sharp here, in this moment.  Nicole is on top of you, one arm holding herself up and the other, on your thigh, keeping your leg hiked around her hips. Every inch of her is pressed against you and you’d expected to feel small, pressured and smothered. Or all three. You don’t though. She kisses you softly and you feel warm. When she holds you, when you’re together the whole world shrinks down to her and whatever surface you’re pressed against.

 It’s not fair to her that you keep comparing her to Champ but how can you not. Champ was the only person you’d ever been with and this is so different, so opposite, Nicole may as well be the first person you ever dated. She stops kissing you and you miss her lips instantly. She brushes some hair from your face and her eyes meet yours. “You’re distracted, do you want to stop?” Nicole is so attentive to your needs, she’s constantly asking if this is okay, asking permission. Not just the first time either, she asks every time. Champ was all about himself, it was all take and take and take.

“You’re nothing like him.” You blurt. Nicole looks confused a little hurt. “You… He was...” You’re struggling to get the words out, in a rush to wipe that look off her face. “He was all about take and he was big and I felt smothered and you….” Nicole seems to realize that she’s pinned you under herself so she starts to get up but you urgently grab her, pulling her back down. “You’re bigger but it makes me feel safe. Protected. It’s… I like it.” Nicole smiles at you again, a genuine smile, her big brown puppy dog eyes sparkling and you kiss her again. You sink back into the couch cushions and Nicole’s weight on top of you is warm and reassuring, like a safety blanket you didn’t realize you needed until you had it.

The kisses between you change from passionate to soft and gentle, both of you saying what words can’t.

The days go by and you can’t stop comparing Champ to Nicole yet you don’t feel guilty about it anymore. It makes you notice all these things about Nicole you probably wouldn’t have otherwise. Like she feels like home, how she sometimes smells like gun powder and leather but more often she smells faintly like mint and strawberry shampoo. That when she takes your hand she doesn’t just grab it and hold on like you’re a child she’ll lose if she doesn’t hold tight, she bumps her palm against yours and waits for you to weave your fingers together. She’s so patient, so unbelievably patient with you because you’re still figuring out this whole sexuality mess on top of everything else and she doesn’t seem to mind that you can’t put a name to it or your relationship. When you ask her why one evening, she shrugs and tucks some hair behind your ear, letting her hand rest cupping your cheek and says “You’ve made it clear how you feel about me and it doesn’t matter what you are, you’re with me and that’s the important part.” You couldn’t help but hug her and when she hugged you back you realized how you fit against her like you were meant to.

Nicole figures out very quickly that your favourite thing to do when it’s just the two is sprawl out on top of her, literally entirely on top of her. She lets you and you relish in the contact. You like laying like this. Privacy is hard to come by so more often than not you end up in the barn, on the old makeshift bed together and talking about everything and nothing.

Sometimes you talk about Nicole’s life before purgatory and sometimes you mention your childhood, rare as it is. Nicole seems to know it’s a sensitive topic, she gently prompts you and if you fall silent long enough she simply smiles and kisses your cheek before asking a different more mundane question to relieve some of the tension.  She lets you say what you want and when, she lets you keep your secrets, something Champ never did. He’d pried into your life, forced you into telling him about your miserable childhood and peppered your face with unwanted kisses when you told him. He couldn’t stand not knowing everything about you and more than once you’d felt him twist a knife in your back, bringing up Willa or some other unpleasant memory of yours just to get his way.

Nicole kisses the top of your head. “Penny for your thoughts?” Her voice is soft and draws you out of thoughts of Champ. You’re lying on top of her in the barn, the sunlight that makes it through the cracks setting her red hair on fire and illuminating her eyes, making them sparkle almost gold.

“Champ pried, he pried and he couldn’t stand not knowing every single thing about me. You’re… different.” As always Nicole lays silent, waiting for you to elaborate. It hits you with sudden clarity that Nicole won’t judge you for anything you say, tease you when you fumble your words or say awkward things maybe but never judge you.  “You don’t care.” Nicole makes a face at that and after a beat you realize how that sounded. “I mean, if I tell you about that time I was 5 and pulled my toast out of the toaster with a fork you won’t laugh in my face and call me a moron.” Nicole smiles at that and brings her hand up to rest against your cheek, thumb rubbing back and forth soothingly.

“No, I won’t, but I might giggle a bit at the mental image of 5 year old Waverly with her hair sticking up spastically with her eyes all wide, almost like a cartoon.” You giggle at that, agreeing that it is a giggle worthy mental imagine. Nicole’s laugh dies though and she’s back to looking at you very seriously and it sobers you.  “Champ never took you seriously did he?” You shake your head and lay back down, your face against her shoulder, tracing her collar bone with your index finger. Nicole shift, gently moving your head to the pillow as her torso shifts, holding herself up with one elbow. She looks down at you and normally you’d hate being looked down on in any way but Nicole makes it feel protective instead of condescending. “You can tell me anything.” She says, pausing and leaning down to kiss you, slow and sweet. “I... care about you.”  She trips over the words and your chest stutters with the thought that she’d changed her mind, knowing on some level she had wanted to drop the L word. “I know your life is messy and all sorts of complicated and I understand that you’re not just going to tell me everything right away, these things take time and trust, trust maybe I haven’t earned, but I will and until then I can wait, I don’t need your life story before the third date.”

You want to say so many things ‘we haven’t even gone on our first date’ or ‘of course I trust you’ or even ‘it’s not complicated, I just have demons trying to kill me every other day, it’s pretty simple really’ but what comes out instead is “I had to go to the hospital after the fork thing and the doctor scared me so badly I cried.” Nicole laughs and it’s a deep and throaty laugh. It makes you nervous, her laughter. Until she lays back down, looking at you with so much love in her eyes it’s almost overwhelming.

“I cried at the dentist every time until I was 8.” And it makes you laugh because you can’t imagine Nicole, big strong and steady Nicole crying at the dentist. She grins back at you and shrugs, sort of considering she’s still laying on her side.  It feels so good because even though your still scared, of her, of what this is and how overwhelming you feelings for her really are, you at least don’t have to be scared of pouring yourself out for her because this is a give and take and whatever you pour out Nicole refills. And your heart swells so you push forward and crash your mouth to hers and kiss her like the apocalypse is tomorrow.

You don’t get another moment alone for a while. Willa comes back and stirs up all sorts of uncomfortable feelings and memories and everything goes to shit. The next moment you get is ruined by Willa. Nicole had been changing you bandages and she’s the only person you want doing it. Willa is too rough and Wynonna shakes too much (you suspect it’s because she blames herself but you can’t blame her, the thought never crossed your mind.) Nicole pops out and you don’t miss the hurt and confusion on her face. Then for the whole minute and a half you have alone together in the barn the world rights itself. And then Willa ruins it again and you could just scream. Nicole leaves and everything shatters at your feet.

You don’t scream but venom drips from your voice when you take a small measure of your anger out on her. You’re reminded, just by looking at her that Daddy never remembered you, not your birthday, not anything, you may as well have invisible while Willa tortured you. Wynonna Loved you as much as she could, tried to love you enough for two parents and a sister. She tried so hard and you don’t blame her. It wasn’t her fault she wasn’t enough. But now you have Nicole and she loves you enough for a thousand life times. You have Nicole and Willa is still hurting you and suddenly you stop giving a shit about her and you remember Nicole, how she’s probably at her apartment and getting upset at herself for the whole mess.

So you text Wynonna that you’re going off for a while, you don’t tell her where, just ‘somewhere safe.’ You get in your jeep and push the speed limit until your parking in front of her apartment. Nicole opens the door nearly immediately after you knock and she looks concerned. You try to open your mouth to say something but nothing comes out and without your permission, tears start slide down your cheeks and without hesitation Nicole pulls you in against her, wrapping one arm around your waist, the other holding your head to her chest. You sob and you’re not even positive why.

Nicole walks you backwards, enough to close the door behind you before she sweeps you up in her arms and you squeak, grabbing at her while she carries you into her apartment. She sets you down on the couch and without a word arranges you to lay down before she lays on top of you, easing herself down until your pressed together and her chest is pressing into yours and your face is tucked against your neck. It makes you cry even harder because she just knows, she knows you so well because you didn’t even need to say a word and she just knows how soothing and comforting this position is. One arm snakes through the crack created by the cushions and holds you tight.

You cling and you sob, you cry harder than you have in the past 15 years you think. Nicole just holds you and kisses the side of your face, softly, lovingly. One kiss here and there and a long pause before she does it again. You recognize that when champ had smothered you, kissed the side of your face over and over, she saw your face and how much you hated it and she’s refusing to do the same to you. You have to bite her shoulder to stop from screaming because you don’t deserve her, you don’t and yet here she is, holding you and letting you bite her and soak her shirt with your tears. She whispers in your ear, her lips brushing the shell of your ear, kissing you a few times and it makes you shudder.

You’re a mess of emotions and you can feel yourself overflowing from it all. So much so that you cry yourself into exhaustion and sleep, right there in Nicole’s apartment, under to woman herself. You know you fell asleep because it’s dark out when you wake up next and you only wake because Nicole is gone. You start upwards, a cry stuck in your throat when the hall light flicks on and Nicole is hurrying towards you and gathering your face in her hands.

“Hey,” she breaths, searching your eyes. “I was just getting changed and I was going to come right back and get you into bed, its okay I’m here.” You relax because you believe her, tensing again almost immediately when you spot the bruise on her shoulder, revealed by her tank top. The bruise in the shape of a bite mark that you know you made. With a shaking hand you reach out and touch it. Nicole doesn’t even flinch, just watches you.

“I’m sorry.” Your voice is small and you hate the way it sounds.

“It’s okay Wave, don’t beat yourself up.” She pauses, a small smile tugging at her lips. “I like biters anyways.” That pulls a weak laugh out of you and Nicole smiles fully this time, white teeth flashing in the dark. “Do you think you can walk or do you want me to carry you?” You like that she asks instead of just grabbing you up roughly like Champ would have. You mull it over for a moment before like a child, making grabby hands at her. She indulges you, picking you up bridal style once more and carries you to bed. The covers are pulled back and she sets you down and you squirm around until you’re comfortable. Once you are Nicole leans down, brushes the hair from your face and kisses your forehead.

“Sleep well. I’ll be on the couch and just a shout away if you need me.” Your hand shoots out and catches her wrist.

“You’re not sleeping here?”

Nicole shrugs. “I didn’t want to crowd you or rush things, but I can sleep here if you want, whatever you’re comfortable with.” Somehow you thought she’d be more flustered but she speaks calmly and evenly, as if discussing the weather and not if you’ll share a bed for the first time.

“No, I want you.” Nicole nods and slips in bed behind you and without hesitation you scoot back until your butt hits her hips and your back is pressed firmly to her chest. Her arm curls protectively around your waist and it feels natural, as if you’ve done this a million times before. She kisses the back of your neck and peppers kisses along your shoulders. It hits you like a train and even if you wanted to (you don’t) you couldn’t have stopped yourself from rolling over to face her and grabbing her face in your hands before kissing her.

“I love you.” You whisper, so close that your lips brush when you speak, so close that you can feel the smile take over her face before she kisses you back.

“I love you too.” She whispers back before kissing you again. Part of you wishes you could have told her at a better time, not after biting her and crying yourself to sleep on her couch after being shot and getting caught by your sister. Yet Nicole is kissing you so softly and you have never felt so loved as you do in this moment and it somehow feels right.

Your kisses are interrupted by a large yawn from Nicole which makes you yawn and she tucks you into her chest, on hand on the small of your back, the other combing through your hair. You can hear each beat of her heart and then you can feel the rumble of her chest as she sings to you, some song you don’t recognize but it doesn’t matter. You fall asleep in her arms with a smile on your face and feeling so loved it makes your chest ache in the most pleasant way.


End file.
